Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   My favorite workout routine is putting my phone in my pocket and taking it out every 30 seconds.

   "Be honest with me" means "lie convincingly".

   "You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.

   Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience.

   Well, if you're going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.

   Lots of woman stay in relationships just to have somebody around to kill spiders and open jars.

   When a woman says "the girls" I automatically assume she is talking about her boobs, not her actual friends.

   What a beautiful world it would be if only boobs were the answer to all the world's problems.

   If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!

   Whenever I get angry, I calm myself down by repeating these 5 words over and over again, “Bartender, Give Me A Double”

   If "Bieber fever" is when a Justin Bieber song comes on the radio and you start throwing up and stabbing yourself in he ear, then yes I have had Bieber fever before.

   Snoring is just God's way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.

   In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.

   America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.

   Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys.

   When Kanye and Kim finally break up - does that automatically put her back on the Black market? Asking for Lil Wayne.

   Do some people just wake up one day and think, "I already have 2 bumper stickers, why not 70?"

   Two Facebook addicts walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says.... ...nothing

   Moving to a new place and people will have a compulsion to say, "but, you won't know anybody there." Like that's a bad thing.

   I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.