Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your relationship status to 'single' and wait 5 minutes.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 14:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I absolutely HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!
←Rate | 08-28-2011 13:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the drain is clogged again."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 12:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)
←Rate | 02-03-2011 23:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you begin a sentence with “Don't tell anybody, but...”, the person you're talking to has already thought about who to tell.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke...
←Rate | 01-23-2013 20:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photobooth!
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In 1987, my teacher made me write 'I must hand my work in on time' five hundred times. Pointless activity, if you ask me, but anyway... I'm finally done.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 22:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wall clock at work seems to be stuck on half past f*ck this sh*t o' clock.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is ridiculous - I have so much work to do this morning that I can barely get on Facebook. My boss is so rude.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 23:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I get a friend request Facebook should allow me free access to their wall and pics regardless of privacy settings so I can see who I'm dealing with. Some of you are so creepy your profile pic might as well be a white panel van.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 18:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 13:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, “Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon What's the name of that Eminem song where he's all mad and sh!t?
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
←Rate | 04-07-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 10:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 10:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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