Funny Status Messages Search

X If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I put you there.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-21-2010 08:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-10-2010 05:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-20-2012 17:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I don't drink about you anymore.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-17-2010 09:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Next time you try talking to a group of people who claim they can't speak English, just say, “Ok, I'm about to punch everyone who's shoes are untied.” You'll be amazed at how many people will look down.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-08-2011 14:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)

X has reached the age where I can't function without my glasses, especially when they're empty.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-13-2011 15:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-25-2012 23:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Hey, people who have those long ass names on FB like, "Kiesha HatersGonnaHateButI'mJustGonnaKeepOnBeingaBoss Jenkins," CUT THAT SHlT OUT!

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-02-2012 14:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I'm making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I'm accurate, how do you spell your name again?

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-10-2012 12:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-17-2012 10:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-24-2011 10:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X The show "Toddlers and tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-03-2011 12:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by vodka last night...

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-31-2011 09:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X The amount of fun I have on a night out is directly proportional to the number of items I cannot locate the next day.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-15-2011 14:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Never wear a G-string backwards while doing jumping jacks........ and I don't want to talk about this anymore...

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-30-2012 20:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

X When my teenage son needs a lesson in humility I take him to the grocery store and make him go in and buy toilet paper, tampons, Preparation H, Vagisil and anti-diarrhea medication and make him pay for it with change.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-31-2012 14:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X 99% of relationships involve tolerating how weird the other person is.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-17-2011 11:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-31-2011 12:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X After sending a risky text, a minute feels like an eternity.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-24-2011 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-24-2011 09:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)