nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   Football announcers saying "penetration" repeatedly is my 50 Shades of Grey.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."

   A woman who can make her man accompany her to the mall for shopping when there is a football match on TV probably don't give blow jobs either.

   My favorite thing about Basketball is when it's Football.

   In retaliation for the genocide of their people the Indians today magnificently beat the Cowboys in a game of football! All is even!

   I get tired of all the drama of family getting mad and running out the door every Thanksgiving! I believe a man is allowed to watch football naked in his own house!

   I am confused did Roethlisberger hurt his arm playing football or rap!ng somebody?

   When my girlfriend's football team wins it makes her horny, so I just keep replaying the one time they did. I'm not stupid.

   Judging by the empty seats at Dolphin's games, football is doomed in Miami. Time to realize it's soccer and thug roundball city down there. Will the last American to leave Miami please bring the goalposts?

   Listening to Obama talk about the economy is like listening to a chick talk about football.

   "I wanted to watch football on NBC but this figure skating they're showing is cool too". --said no one ever

   9 year old girl in boys football league with 232 carries, ran for 1,911 yards, 35 tds, and 65 tackles?! WTF?! Young lady is an inspiration!!! Never let society limit your dreams!!!

   David Beckham does some amazing football tricks.. I hear that he managed to hit Katherine Jenkins chin with two balls.

   "Please scream as loud as you possibly can," says the dentist to his patient. "Why should I do that?" "The waiting room's full and the football game's on in ten minutes."

   MY Fantasy Football thing is about the Cheerleaders.

   Dear fucktards at baseball games in football team gear. It doesn't count; you look like you're lost…

   Thursday Night Football on the same time during the Vice Presidential debate....well played NFL, well played.

   watches Sunday football with you all day... Wife that girl.

   Drank like 3 Four Lokos and some hand sanitizer last night, blacked out and apparently officiated a Monday Night Football game.

   I just got a call from the NFL office...they must have gotten wind of that 1 flag football game I ref'd in 2002