huck Funny Status Messages

   If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   the fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.

   When I get to heaven I hope I don't hear the words, "Just a formality before we let you in, gonna take a look at your Facebook timeline."

   The jobs report is so bad Obama should fire somebody, but that would only add to the problem.

   And Eli Manning smiles quietly to himself. Knowing he will be the Manning with the most Super Bowl wins

   My favorite yoga pose is mouthward facing pie.

   This space heater can barely warm a room, there's no way it's going to heat a universe.

   If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.

   My dog acts like every leaf blowing in the wind outside our door is going to murder his entire family. It's like, grow up

   I am glad to say that even after all these years. I still follow Bell Biv Devoe's advice on not trusting a big butt and a smile

   When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

   "In 300 feet you will arrive at your destination. But it was never about the destination. You know that now." - Buddhist GPS

   Be nice to people on your way up so they won't get suspicious when you're rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport

   Based on how I react when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.

   FACT: Cops love donuts.... just not when you do them on a four lane highway.

   I wonder if when Ice Cube was in NWA he thought one day he'd play a cop in light hearted comedy

   Spring-load me into my coffin. If grave robbers want my gold they have to climb the tree I land in.

   One of my biggest fears is meeting Bono from U2 and saying "I'm a huge fan, Bobo."

   "Auld Lang Syne" is too good to save for New Year's — I like to pump that jam in the middle of summer, with the top down

   Alright, stop. Collaborate and drop and listen and roll. Ice is back with a confusing new fire safety video.