Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Nicki Minaj, Justin Bieber and One Direction walk into a bar. There's no punchline because ruining music isn't funny......
←Rate | 03-31-2013 22:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Look at my face, does it look like I care?” – “Well by looking at your face, God didn’t care either.”
←Rate | 03-31-2013 18:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullsh*t”
←Rate | 03-31-2013 18:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather have a life full of scars than one full of fear.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 18:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you recieve something that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 17:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Heart, Please stop breaking, you weren’t made in China.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 17:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, I'll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it'd be cool if you moved out Amy."
←Rate | 03-29-2013 23:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man talking with his friend: "My wife died yesterday, I'm trying to cry but tears are not coming out, what should I do?" Friend: "That's simple. Just imagine she is coming back."
←Rate | 03-28-2013 23:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daily Random 'F*ck You': To those people that get a puppy or kitten because they're so cute but then get rid of them when they grow into adult animals, F*CK YOU!
←Rate | 03-28-2013 18:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 18:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love when you say something that is just dripping with sarcasm and people still can't figure it out.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 18:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon People that tell me they never use dirty words must be boring as hell in the bedroom. What do they scream? "Touch my no-no and make me squish-squish?"
←Rate | 03-28-2013 18:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You young punks are sissyfied... so quick to pick up a gun and scared to take an ass whippin'
←Rate | 03-27-2013 11:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've met some real pricks in my time but you my friend are the cactus.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 11:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it's two boobs.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 11:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you're not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 23:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl just asked me "When a guy says GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH, what's a good comeback?" I told her, "COMEBACK with a damn sandwich."
←Rate | 03-22-2013 09:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl is a serial over-reactor. You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can't go in the kitchen alone anymore.
←Rate | 03-22-2013 00:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger Woods is now dating Lindsey Vonn. That man gets so much ass, if this were 1800's his slave name would be Poonta Kinte
←Rate | 03-21-2013 07:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
←Rate | 03-20-2013 22:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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