joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm thinking of a number between one and who gives a sh*t
←Rate | 06-29-2010 22:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon First, Alaska brought us Sarah Palin. Now, "smoked salmon flavored vodka." Can we get a restraining order against them?
←Rate | 06-29-2010 22:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get blamed for everything. Looks like I have no choice but to run for president.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 19:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon people will believe anything if you whisper it.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 18:08 by joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wipe your mouth. There's still a tiny bit of bullsh*t around your lips.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let me know if anyone's hiring right now... I specialize in destroying alarm clocks and petting kittens.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing makes me feel more American than the fact that my button has just popped off of my pants.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:56 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deleting your Facebook account is a quick way to find out what people will say at your funeral.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men: if your woman makes you sleep on the couch, use the cushions to build an awesome fort and then hang a "no girls allowed" sign.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart smells like ugly
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't trust people who don't have middle names...
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the store didn't want me to flop naked into the frozen foods, it shouldn't have put them so close to the front door on a 90° day.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got a chance to listen to my voicemails. I was pretty popular in 2009.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting bored with gravity. Time for an update with new features, universe!
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:17 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tip: if you're going to call out sick, make sure your co-workers aren't your FB friends and can see the pics you posted drunk last night
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon This day needs more yesterday...
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When caught with weed, never assume anything but the position...
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes a real Phil Collins fan to name one of their children Sussudio. That child is destined to stutter.
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  




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