hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.

   Whenever I see a guy in jean shorts I feel sad that he has nobody in his life to say, "You really shouldn't wear those."

   How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".

   Just got fired from my part time job working from home because "Apparently" when people call for support I shouldn't tell them that I am not wearing pants.

   Worst part about having an iPhone or any other smart phone for that matter is when you get mad you can't slam the phone

   My ideal job would be "Guy in infomercial who is legitimately baffled by simple, everyday tasks."

   When I was younger, I grew up in a theme park! The theme of the park was trailer.

   I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

   Maybe if women would quit playing games they'd worry less about competition.

   "It's not a contest." - losers

   The fact that women don't sell ad space (transparent stickers) on their cleavage is baffling to me.

   Drank a Rockstar and now I'm patiently waiting to break furniture in a hotel room.

   UPS delivery guys don't like it when you go up to their truck and order two tacos to go.

   AXE Bodyspray for Women: Now women can become IRRESISTIBLE to men by wearing fragrances like "Breathing", or "Just Being Alive in General".

   As a kid, I thought convention delegates were just sign-waving idiots in silly hats & pins, but as an adult, I see I was a perceptive kid.

   Hope I'm never call-into-a-morning-radio-show-for-advice depressed.

   My kindle fire reads "50 shades of grey" to me. Its like having an obscene phonecall from Steven Hawking.

   If I hadn't already faked 13 illnesses this month to get out of work, I'd totally do it again today.

   Pretty sure the pope secretly has Marge Simpson hair

   May need to leave Facebook until after the election so I can maintain respect for some of my family and friends