flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine a guy trying to run upstairs while wearing roller blades. That's my life
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your azz is as wide as an ax handle, you shouldn't be allowed to use "LMAO"
←Rate | 08-25-2011 18:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Google refuses to give churches the same discounts as other non-profits. Apparently they believe in the separation of church and search
←Rate | 08-26-2011 19:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A surprise party is a great way to show your woman how awesome you are at lying to her face
←Rate | 08-27-2011 01:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 01:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that a woman can get a tattoo of a naked fairy sitting on a half moon and its sexy, but when a guy gets a naked wizard making love to a dragon its creepy?
←Rate | 08-27-2011 01:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Volunteering in times of crisis is good. I just called the local strip club to call me immediately if they lose power. I'm ready to help out.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 12:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Philadelphia is out of batteries. Not sure if its cause of the hurricane or cause football season is about to start
←Rate | 08-28-2011 06:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This hotel has the worst mini-bar. All the little bottles of booze taste like shampoo.
←Rate | 08-29-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady Gaga says her fans are monsters.Really? Then how come the Wolfman hates her guts?
←Rate | 08-29-2011 05:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No I didn't watch the VMA. I was unaware MTV EVEN showed music videos anymore
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many admit to being fools for love. But only Foghat had the guts to admit to being fools for the city
←Rate | 08-29-2011 11:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is about public restrooms that make people go, "Yeah, I'm just not going to flush"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 19:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had to put my pet rock to sleep. It attacked all my pet scissors.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really hope the guy from Microsoft can take some time out from his busy schedule to read the hundreds of error reports I send him daily
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I challenge you to name a more frightening experience than seeing a police car make a u-turn behind you
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:17 by flinnie Comments (3)  


   messageicon Admit it, we all feel much worse for the homeless guy's dog than we do for the homeless guy
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone ended a tweet to me with "STFU." I've no doubt they were referring to St. Fu the patron saint of long mustaches.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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