huck Funny Status Messages

   Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.

   I am so overwhelmed by the birthday love, and SO underwhelmed by the birthday gifts!!!!

   Had to sneeze but it never came out and now I'm afraid it's traveling around my body trying to find another exit.

   FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don't remember who you are.

   Huck this is an intervention "ok to who's wedding" no thats an invitation "aliens?!" thats an invasion "how--" HUCK YOU NEED TO GET A DICTIONARY

   BREAKING: Study shows several boys not brought to the yard, despite allure of milkshake.

   or the millionth time, yes Pandora, I'm still listening. What are you my wife?

   Man this is a tough supermarket. Sign above the register says "12 items or else".

   I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I'm not sure whether to believe this or not.

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just being ambidextrous.

   FACT: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.

   Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you

   I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like "awesome"

   I'm not saying I believe in the zombie apocalypse. I'm just saying Walmart.

   Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...

   A bed designed like a toaster: it just launches your unwilling body out when the alarm goes.

   It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.

   If you’re having a bad day go ask a two-year-old to say Sasquatch

   Confuse people who bring hotel breakfast to you in bed by exclaiming, "You shouldn't have! Did the children help?"

   Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard