flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The Transit of Venus was by far the best small black dot moving boringly across a large yellow circle I've ever witnessed.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 19:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I watch "Footloose" all I can think is, "They allow dancing one town over. Just go there."
←Rate | 10-11-2011 10:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was pretty sure that at this point in my career, I would have henchmen by now
←Rate | 06-03-2011 14:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a Narcissists Anonymous meeting but it was just this pathetic bunch of nobodies
←Rate | 05-21-2012 23:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 03:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Protip: If your turkey tastes like bird flavored jello, it is undercooked.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you say “Kanye” in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.
←Rate | 02-17-2014 05:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention to all the homeless, it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping 4 dollar a gallon gas into my car.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 07:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just ate a bunch of garbage. Disgusting. That's the last time I pay attention to a raccoon's Yelp review.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 07:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to look like I'm interested in what someone is saying is often the most strenuous thing I do all day.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 08:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon just read that women are smarter than men. Really?! Have you ever met a man that "fell in" the toilet in the middle of the night?
←Rate | 04-19-2011 00:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the waiters out there: we don't get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 06:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 95% of every relationship is navigating the question "Where should we eat?" without it turning into World War III.
←Rate | 08-06-2012 05:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Haven't had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick." - everyone in front of you on the highway.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 06:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm going to take a pic of my son and use age progression to see what he looks like at 16. I'll keep it in his room, and when he finally figures out its him, I'm gonna try and convince him he's a time traveler
←Rate | 06-11-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you
←Rate | 03-07-2012 08:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
←Rate | 03-08-2012 05:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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