andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'andrew jackson': View All Messages
Page: 10 of 24

   messageicon Just saw a store that already has Easter decorations out
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
←Rate | 08-12-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.
←Rate | 07-21-2014 14:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have had it with Jimmy Crackcorn and his blatant apathy!
←Rate | 04-18-2014 09:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Hug your casual acquaintances. Fist bump a frenemy.
←Rate | 11-07-2013 20:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the days when if a person took a billion pictures of their own face, they would end up being institutionalized.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:07 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mario Bros. Plumbing ★☆☆☆☆ (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
←Rate | 10-13-2014 06:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to lose an argument with a woman. 1) Argue
←Rate | 01-03-2014 08:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like eye-candy... I'm more like eye-meatloaf.
←Rate | 01-29-2015 12:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
←Rate | 04-25-2014 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone “Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who’s phone you’ve just called.” Problem solved!
←Rate | 06-20-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
←Rate | 09-23-2013 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
←Rate | 10-16-2014 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never understood why people use a persons picture for their caller ID; me personally I prefer to take a picture of myself and how that person makes me feel.
←Rate | 03-20-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I’m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don’t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn't sign up for the position.
←Rate | 03-19-2014 05:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 05:36 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Careful, there's dog poop on the dance floor." - how ballet was invented.
←Rate | 01-21-2014 05:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hit a deer last night. It died instantly. I feel awful, but when I'm jogging I'm in my own world.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 05:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared into the abyss and the abyss was like, "Uh my eyes are up here!"
←Rate | 01-29-2014 22:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon red sky at morning, sailors take warning, sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left