Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you’re driving 5 miles an hour over the speed limit does not mean that you can drive in the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real.
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Half of the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
←Rate | 07-22-2022 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I find myself in times of trouble, Julie Andrews comes to me, singing words of wisdom, do re mi.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you’re about to spend half a grand shopping online, but then you notice that $15.00 shipping charge…. Not Today!
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “You’re a lucky man” is a nice way of telling a guy you would bang his woman.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t have to drop to your knees every time you eat a hotdog.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  




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