sully Funny Status Messages

   Hey guy's, don't forget to clear your browser history every 5 minutes just in case that satellite hits you......

   Things I wish I could unsee: 1. Miley Cyrus twerking 2. Miley Cyrus riding that foam finger 3. Miley Cyrus

   Hey....Admit it, everyone has a little bit of racism in them. When you do laundry, I bet you all separate the colored from the whites......

   Doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle -- N. Schwarzkopf

   Will be taking part in the looting and anarchy that's sure to come with tonight's government shutdown......

   Dear Obama, It's ok..... No one believes in me anymore either. Sincerely, Santa

   Pretty sure the founders didn't intend for the 4th of July to be on a Wednesday.Thanks a lot Obama.........

   Somewhere, skeletons and secret gays are fighting over closet space...

   Maybe the EBT card shutdown is actually a new DIET plan created by Michelle Obama?

   I'm hoping for some good job openings I can fill when people leave for the Rapture.

   If we eat, we die. If we don't eat, we die. I choose death by chocolate....

   In case anyone was wondering.....I'm wearing Hanes by Target, and a black t-shirt by BC Cotton (with a bacon grease stain on it) #redcarpet

   Words of wisdom - if you take a bath when you're high on cocaine, make sure you wear a life jacket.......

   My Syria plan: Give weapons to both sides. Let them annihilate each other. Smoke a cigar with Benjamin Netanyahu....

   I don't Obamaknow and I don't Obamacare......

   Weiner's press conference was long and hard, but he finally whipped out his resignation after beating around the bush for a few minutes, effectively penetrating the crux of the situation and bringing the story to an explosive climax...

   Wait!! Its Tim Tebow's birthday today and Tom Brady got hurt..... Jesus take the wheel.

   Put on clean whitie tighties...Check. What other falling satellite preparations should I be making??.....

   The only thing worse than the roll out of Obamacare would be walking around barefoot in a Major League Baseball dugout....

   Sometimes I do FB with my 3D glasses on... It's almost like you guys are right here with me!!