lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Thanks to modern medicine, people can be sexually active long past the age when anyone wants to see them naked.

   Whenever I sing,i put the cat in the front yard. That way,the neighbours can see it and know it's not being strangled.

   You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.

   I'm what you might call an "incurable romantic". Although that's not the term they use at the Free Clinic.

   Remember, the next time Iceland says "pull my finger" ignore it

   Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.

   will be attending Sleep. Invited By : Mr Sandman.RSVP: Yes. Location: My Bed. Time: Now until 7 Am.

   This day is going so well..ill give it 10/10/10!

   If there are ice cream vans in the summer, why cant we have Starbucks vans in the winter?

   Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

   I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.

   The difference between divorce and legal seperation is that legal seperation gives a husband time to hide his money.

   Life is too complicated in the morning.

   ..New Year's Resolution: Drink More. Fall Down Less. She'll put that to the test tonight.

   If life were more like a movie, we'd all be dead after about 90 minutes.

   100% of all divorces are caused by marriage.

   Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends

   The reason I'm single? She wouldn't marry me when I was drinking and I wouldn't marry her when I was sober.

   Mondays aren't so bad...it's my job that sucks.

   Why was the blonde angry when she got her driver's license? Because she couldn't believe she had an F in sex.