jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Another good feeling. Waking up and realizing that it's sunday and not monday morning. AAAAAH......zzzzzzz.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:17 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My memory is so bad that.............
←Rate | 06-18-2018 23:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who ever stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 14:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon At my job, I have 500 people under me. I'm a security guard at a cemetery.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 23:09 by Jake Comments (3)  


   messageicon My wife could get a job in earthquake prediction. She can find a fault quicker than anyone.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 23:37 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Teacher: Billy, what rhymes with orange? Billy: No it doesn't.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 17:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 19:04 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always plan ahead...... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 01:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If athletes get athlete's foot and tennis players get tennis elbow. What do gynecologists get........ Tunnel vision.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 20:24 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster
←Rate | 09-15-2009 12:13 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being energy efficient. When I saw an advertisment for a solar power clothes dryer. I ordered one. What I receive was a 25 foot clothes-line and a pack of 50 clothes pins.
←Rate | 09-22-2017 16:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon View the world the way you would like it to be, and not as it is. It's less stressful.
←Rate | 10-03-2017 04:06 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
←Rate | 03-03-2018 00:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After 10 years of marriage my wife finally made me happy in the bedroom. She put in a 42'' tv a min fridge full of beer and she sleeps in the spare bedroom.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your butt cheeks were horizonal you would applaud every time you ran up the stairs.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:46 by Jake Comments (4)  


   messageicon Difference between a G spot and a golf ball. Guys will search for a golf ball.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 21:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need Google...... My wife knows everything.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 01:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the smoke detector sounds, I know the dinner my girlfriend is cooking is ready.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  




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