SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 11:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate gently tossing my phone on the bed and it ricocheting off three walls, hitting a lamp, and a cat.
←Rate | 08-03-2011 13:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My advice for pretty much anything that's broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
←Rate | 09-23-2011 22:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spanked myself twice before I left the house today so if you see me being naughty, chill out; I've dealt with it.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 10:36 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't people ever hoard good stuff? I if I were a hoarder, I'd have a house full of cupcakes and slip-n-slides.
←Rate | 07-13-2011 16:22 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think these news stations are missing the boat with these marathon storm tracking sessions. They need to sell advertising! "This Tornado warning is brought to you by Glad Trash Bags. Glad...when you have to clean debris the next morning, don't get mad..
←Rate | 07-28-2011 17:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
←Rate | 01-21-2012 13:34 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
←Rate | 10-07-2011 12:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump because you've invested so much time in the relationship.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 10:13 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 11:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I replied to your event invites with "maybe" because there wasn't a box for "I haven't seen you since high school, leave me alone."
←Rate | 05-23-2012 10:23 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're riding shotgun, you're automatically on cop look-out. With great power comes great responsibility.
←Rate | 11-28-2011 08:53 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starting to think Herman Cain only ran for President so people would find out how much he gets laid.
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:54 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever wants to kill Casey Anthony, should probably do so in Florida.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wrong # call=boring. Wrong # text message=fun. Someone text me "Carl, where the hell r u?" I responded "sex change, call you back as Carla."
←Rate | 07-28-2011 13:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sleep naked so if there's some sort of emergency I immediately make it sexy.
←Rate | 08-01-2011 11:34 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon B!tches or not, 99 problems is still a sh!tload of problems.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 09:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Vodka, Bourbon, Tequila!" - Me calling the shots.
←Rate | 08-18-2011 11:41 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reality is for people who can't afford high speed internet.
←Rate | 10-18-2011 09:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to learn how to make balloon animals. just in case an emergency situation calls for the most annoying sound in the universe.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 10:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  




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