Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they're gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?

   This damn Mcdonald's never has a fully stocked condiment counter. This is the last straw!

   don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

   I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.

   Ever notice the roof of your car is the worst cup holder ever?

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   Just entered hour nine of an overly-dramatic sigh.

   I can't believe Google is c0cky enough to start guessing after one letter.

   I'm no longer addicted to carving jack-o-lanterns. All thanks to the pumpkin patch.

   They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We'll see.

   Today's level of difficulty is shaping up to be "Wheelie on a unicycle."

   If he were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

   One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.

   Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.

   I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.

   I can ignore you so hard you will begin to doubt your own existence.

   If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car.

   You'd think Tigger and Eeyore would have traded some of their meds.

   "Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider.

   There should be a mandatory day on facebook where everyone must turn off their spell-checker so we can weed out the retards.