Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa, clean up my act!
←Rate | 12-12-2018 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kevin McCallister's parents has to be the most dimwitted parents ever not to realize that Buzz is the cause of their family's problems.
←Rate | 12-11-2018 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just here to offer you a glimmer of nope.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to your 40s. Drugs are no longer just for fun, they’re medicine now
←Rate | 12-09-2018 10:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten; be patient and wait your turn.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s so cute when recipes only say 1/4 cup of cheese. Bless their hearts.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turning on your lights and sirens after losing a drag race is just poor sportsmanship
←Rate | 12-06-2018 16:05 by T Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a guy says "I'm Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
←Rate | 02-17-2018 09:14 Comments (2)  


   messageicon So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As soon as the new iPhone was announced, a weird thing happened. My old iPhone started begging for its life.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:53 Comments (0)  




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