totalpackage Funny Status Messages

   A new poll says 50% want Trump and 50% want Killary... Me?... I just want a lobotomy..

   So the Chantix commercial says to call your doctor immediately if you experience a siezure...Is it just me or would it be pretty difficult to pick up the phone and dial while shaking violently?

   I'm astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..

   Did you ever notice some people with the lowest moral compass and zero integrity suddenly become 'karma experts' when things don't go their way?

   Way to go Ferguson...Burning down the same grocery stores where you use your foodstamps to shop. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Real justice losers!. Real justice

   It's funny the only two states that legalized pot are sending their teams to the Super Bowl...I bet you won't be able to find a bag of Funyuns in the entire state of New Jersey.

   I've been looking for an inventive way to get rid of all the worthless telephone books that get dumped at my door step every year so....."Trick Or Treat" kiddos!!!

   it just me or is "Pink" and Billy Idol the same person?

   Screw Congress! Me and some drinking buddies have decided we're gonna re-open the government our way!

   told Christian Mingle what I wanted in a girl...but they sent her over to wash out my mouth with soap instead.