minnie haha Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
←Rate | 10-05-2013 16:36 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently a swizzle stick is NOT a wand. Further, I have been advised by the bouncers that I will henceforth be unable to go “Bippity Boppity Boo” on anyone else’s arse tonight.
←Rate | 10-02-2013 22:18 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't the gov't just call in Jon Taffer and do this shutdown thing right?
←Rate | 09-30-2013 20:26 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
←Rate | 09-25-2013 11:22 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whatever you do - when a policeman comes to your door with his handcuffs out and asks for you, do not try to put a dollar bill in his belt using your teeth. .....do not ask me how I know that.
←Rate | 09-20-2013 21:25 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twinkies are like Val Kilmer, bloated, saturated in fat, and no one’s had them in their mouth since the 80's.
←Rate | 08-10-2013 17:51 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Text from hubby: Wanna go to Lowe’s and get a new toilet seat tonight? Me: Hell yeah! In your face single people. IN. YOUR. FACE.
←Rate | 08-04-2013 15:28 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m on to you mister..... there were no pearls and that was NOT a necklace.
←Rate | 08-03-2013 23:04 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. Just great. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 23:43 by minnie haha Comments (2)  


   messageicon Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
←Rate | 06-28-2013 22:56 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
←Rate | 06-25-2013 14:25 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nik Wallenda just walked across the Grand Canyon on a tightrope with no net. I made banana pudding whilst three sheets to the wind and didn't burn the kitchen down. Your move, Nik.
←Rate | 06-23-2013 22:16 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anything ever happens to me, this family is in trouble. Apparently I'm the only one around here who has the recipe for ice cubes and knows where the dishwasher is located. The remote control is safe, though.
←Rate | 06-10-2013 13:06 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The snippy little nurse told me to piss in a cup. So I told her to go fart in a jar. And the fight was on.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 21:23 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having sex is like vacuuming; It should be loud enough to scare your pets, involve a whole lot of sucking, and it's best if you do it often in every room of the house.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 18:31 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thank you GPS. I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger's seat who knows everything.
←Rate | 04-24-2013 20:50 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
←Rate | 04-24-2013 12:26 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon When filling out a resume, is "Facebook friends" capitalized? Asking for a friend....
←Rate | 04-18-2013 22:34 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The stupid Facebook Timeline is completely ruining the whole "Drink Till You Forget" concept. Now I have a drinking problem AND get to remember everything.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 11:01 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was thinking about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..
←Rate | 04-15-2013 21:22 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


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