bego Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Just saw my auto insurance agent use a calculator to calculate 2017-2013 to show me it's been 4 years......... time for a new insurance company. 😅
←Rate | 10-17-2017 23:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon See what happens when you name a hurricane after a man! He won't ask directions, wanders around lost, leaves a mess and doesn't clean up after himself!
←Rate | 08-31-2017 21:29 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey UNITED, my ex is flying from Atlanta to San Antonio, flight 2145 row 12, seat D. Do your thing
←Rate | 04-12-2017 22:49 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon All voicemails from my Dad start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with him trying to dial another number.
←Rate | 04-02-2017 21:58 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most girls will spend Valentine's day alone because their boyfriends will be with their wives
←Rate | 02-14-2017 13:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon "When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary
←Rate | 10-19-2016 21:32 by BEGO Comments (1)  


   messageicon A snake can shed its skin, but it will always be a snake. Remember that before allowing people back into your life.
←Rate | 08-08-2016 22:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember fellas, no matter how good or so hot she looks, and yet she's single it most likely means someone got tired of putting up with her B.S.
←Rate | 08-06-2016 23:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your refund is more than you paid in taxes. You aren't getting YOUR TAXES back. You're getting MY TAXES back.
←Rate | 02-10-2016 22:10 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 00:02 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gf won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:51 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:47 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
←Rate | 10-16-2015 22:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 22:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crying doesnt indicate that youre weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that youre alive.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:36 by BEGO Comments (2)  


   messageicon The Big Mac doesn’t look anything like the ones in the ads… Same goes with people and Facebook profile pics.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:35 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait, but it’s more difficult to regret.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:34 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm gonna start giving ugly girls the phone numbers of guys I hate.
←Rate | 09-22-2015 22:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  


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