Mike Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I’m going to start a band called “Free Beer” because when people see a sign that says, “Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM” everyone is going to be there.
←Rate | 02-01-2018 14:30 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I have to hear about these Clowns for 28 more days? O me bad make that 35 more days my math is not so good anymore.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 17:41 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Uranus is getting tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes?
←Rate | 05-18-2016 08:07 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"
←Rate | 11-10-2015 17:33 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moving into the White house would be living in poverty for Trump...he'd be slumming it.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 09:19 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the MVP has his shots up to date. Disneyland is dangerous nowadays!
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:43 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.
←Rate | 11-30-2014 20:44 by Mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon I put an "EBOLA QUARANTINE" sticker on my front door and now we don't have problems with salesmen, thieves, or neighbors.
←Rate | 10-27-2014 20:58 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to watch the NFL kicker/punter combine this afternoon!
←Rate | 07-13-2014 13:06 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon How the heck can people get so excited over a game that can end in a tie? Is it gratifying when you're kissing your sister as well?
←Rate | 06-22-2014 22:08 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
←Rate | 06-17-2014 12:53 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by all of the rotten-tooth smiles I see in this town, they should put the Fluoride in the meth instead of the water.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 09:03 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw on the news that Flavor Flav is 56 years old today, and had two immediate thoughts: 1. How the F$%^ did Flav manage to take care of himself for 56 years? 2. F$%^, I'm old.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 05:52 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just woke up and can't go back to bed. I turn on the TV looking to maybe find something to watch. My choices are Baggage, 7 days of Sex, Sex Sent Me to the ER, The Real World:Ex-plosion, and Hannah Montana. Wondering if Miley Cyrus is staring in all of th
←Rate | 02-27-2014 08:25 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love the Internet. Back in the old days, we had no idea how many ignorant people there are out there. Now, we've got a datapoint.
←Rate | 02-05-2014 18:36 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way to make soccer interesting is if they could pick up the ball and throw it...
←Rate | 02-04-2014 05:15 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Craigslist--the site where I can find anything, until I actually want to buy something....
←Rate | 02-02-2014 10:03 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that's news! That poor rat was yanked out of his mailbox this morning and predicted that all the people watching in the cold were idiots.
←Rate | 02-02-2014 08:10 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching Fox News, but for some reason I can't figure out why Obama would shut down a bridge?
←Rate | 01-09-2014 20:34 by mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wish I could say it"s nice to see Michael Bolton working again, but it's really not. Thanks Honda.
←Rate | 11-20-2013 20:01 by Mike Comments (0)  


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