MBH Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.
←Rate | 03-25-2014 15:49 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon A watched pot never boils. But an unwatched pot boils dry and burns. Is there a happy medium?
←Rate | 09-06-2010 11:29 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best don't-drink-and-drive message ever would be if the Budweiser blimp crashed into the Goodyear blimp during a game.
←Rate | 09-06-2010 11:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my pet peeves is women who don't put the toilet seat back up when they're finished.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:27 by MBH Comments (4)  


   messageicon With a name like "Earl," I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:25 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm feeling so good today, I'd like to ask you to high-five the person next to you and tell them it's from me.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:16 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does all this updating my Facebook status make my ego look fat?
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:11 by MBH Comments (8)  


   messageicon I'm not saying our schools suck, but after one day of sex ed, my kid thinks single parents are the result of masturbation.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:05 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says, "Expect the unexpected," I like to punch them in the face to express my agreement.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:01 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there's one thing I definitely couldn't live without, it would probably be my body.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:00 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saved a ton of money by not paying my car insurance bill.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:59 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Maybe later..." is a polite way of saying "Never"
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:56 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Free samples shouldn't be limited to ice cream stores. How can I be sure this fifth of Vodka is worth the 6 dollars without a quick chug?
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:53 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a bumper sticker that says "Bring home the Troops," I mentally finish the sentence with "then send in the Ninjas."
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:51 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should really replace, "I now pronounce you man and wife" with "FINISH HIM!!!" (mortal combat music blasting)
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:48 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon "No offense" means "I'm about to insult you, but don't get mad."
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:46 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously it's not rocket science.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:45 by MBH Comments (8)  


   messageicon The first rule of Hangover Club is: SHHHH
←Rate | 08-31-2010 20:10 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon My invisible make believe deity can beat up your invisible make believe deity
←Rate | 08-31-2010 19:29 by MBH Comments (1)  


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