Goober Peas Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I believe I'm now at the age where wishing for something really hard and pooping your pants is pretty much the same thing ツ
←Rate | 06-24-2014 14:25 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holiday Tip #37: Eat asparagus around the holidays. If you're anything like me, the green combined with the red in the toilet lends itself to a wonderful bathroom holiday ambiance
←Rate | 12-09-2013 23:12 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I read somewhere that there will be no farting in heaven, but I bet it's still a really cool place ツ
←Rate | 12-06-2013 10:10 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to make one of those Bitstrips cartoons, but then I decided to pick the lint out of my belly button instead. I'm pretty sure I came out ahead ツ
←Rate | 10-26-2013 19:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walking calmly and nonchalantly to the bathroom and then fighting to get my britches down in record time so's I don't poop down a pant leg seems to be among my most recent list of super powers today. Life is good ツ
←Rate | 09-10-2013 12:39 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon How disappointing! I've been hearing all month about 'Shart' week coming up on the discovery channel and it turns out it's nothing but a movie about a bunch of stupid fish ツ
←Rate | 08-07-2013 12:32 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doing a 'selfie' actually means something quite different than what I had originally thought. Sorry weird stranger, whom I called a 'sticky handed monkey pounder'. My bad ツ
←Rate | 07-01-2013 13:31 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a Burrito Supreme for every time this stupid toilet got plugged up… I probably wouldn't have a plugged up toilet ツ
←Rate | 06-23-2013 21:14 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always drink and drive, but when I do, I make sure the kids are strapped safely in their car seats. That's called responsible parenting ツ
←Rate | 06-21-2013 11:56 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser ツ
←Rate | 06-01-2013 00:33 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never bring a spoon to a spork fight ツ
←Rate | 05-28-2013 13:49 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can hardly wait for asparagus season! The red and green colors in the toilet remind me of Christmas ツ
←Rate | 05-08-2013 20:11 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words of Wisdom: Don't cover your mouth when you sneeze. You'll get snot and stuff all over your hands ツ
←Rate | 04-19-2013 12:44 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good News! We just got our taxes done and we'll be getting a refund! It should be just enough to pay for getting our taxes done! ツ
←Rate | 04-10-2013 23:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I bet you're the kinda girl who likes the strong, silent type, aren't you?" ~ best way to announce passing gas in an office setting while avoiding sexual harassment charges ツ
←Rate | 04-09-2013 13:55 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Irish I was drunk already ツ
←Rate | 03-17-2013 11:06 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine said that being gay wasn't so bad, but sometimes it's a real pain in the ass ツ
←Rate | 03-14-2013 06:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year, I think I'd like to visit the 'Smithereens'. Seems like just about everyone gets blown there ツ
←Rate | 03-04-2013 23:52 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a really small dog that took really big poops, I'm pretty sure I would name him Deuce ツ
←Rate | 03-04-2013 23:05 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember Kids: 'Stop, Drop and Roll' doesn't work in Hell ツ
←Rate | 02-15-2013 13:10 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


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