Gman Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon eating bacon with Mohammed.
←Rate | 07-03-2011 14:50 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon What prescription was Peter on that caused cotton tail? I've had cotton mouth, but can't even imagine having a parched behind. Poor Peter.
←Rate | 04-22-2011 21:27 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the bank wanted the security picture on the front of my debit card to be accurate for my account, they would've let me frown.
←Rate | 04-22-2011 21:25 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon It would have been a more believable story if Jesus had died on a Monday and then rose again on a Saturday, just like I do every week.
←Rate | 04-22-2011 21:22 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they weren't meant to be used to get attention, God would've put boobs in a different place.
←Rate | 04-22-2011 21:21 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe UPS stole the "What can brown do for you?" slogan from Ex-Lax. Ain't that some sh*t?
←Rate | 04-22-2011 16:24 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 11:38 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon F*cking a mannequin is not an excuse to tell your friends you're banging a model.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 11:31 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's safe to admit that my Retirement Plan consists solely of me acquiring a Time Machine and knocking Biff out in the parking lot.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 16:22 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fool and his money are soon dating women way too good looking for him.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 15:40 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm dragging ass today. I don't know how dogs wipe like this, it hurts like hell.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 14:21 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you've made wonderful choices in life when you're proud of yourself for not being drunk before lunch.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 11:53 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The slogan for every brand of tequila should be "Tequila... because we understand that sometimes you just need to get f*cked up."
←Rate | 04-19-2011 15:23 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The question asked "have you ever been convicted of a crime" followed by "explain why"... so I put "no" and "good lawyer."
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:58 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Karma Sutra: When fate f*cks you in all sorts of creative ways.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:57 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:56 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:55 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help... so I hired a hitman.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:55 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" You don't understand how sex works, do you, Michael Bolton?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:28 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarah Palin wants to trade Mark her name. What the hell's Mark gonna do with it??
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:26 by Gman Comments (0)  


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