Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon And when I die, this will all be yours. *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
←Rate | 06-24-2017 20:59 by Aaron Comments (2)  


   messageicon Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly
←Rate | 06-24-2017 20:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
←Rate | 03-04-2017 22:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The key to a good night's sleep is to stay up late and get almost no sleep, then the next night after that you'll get a good night's sleep.
←Rate | 01-14-2017 20:48 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there
←Rate | 10-12-2016 21:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumble into the tv remote.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 22:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
←Rate | 09-29-2016 22:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Farmer plows the field. Farmer doesn't even stay for breakfast, stops returning the field's calls.
←Rate | 09-15-2016 21:05 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The winds of change can blow me.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 13:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Above and beyond? I mostly go below and around.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 13:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Theoretically if China went to the moon and knocked over our flag what would we do about it
←Rate | 09-05-2016 21:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is a big burden being the only one who can prevent forrest fires.
←Rate | 09-05-2016 20:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pour two beers in one glass, it's just one beer.
←Rate | 07-29-2016 18:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, it will most likely be of embarrassment
←Rate | 07-29-2016 18:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
←Rate | 06-17-2016 17:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heart pounding, pupils dilated, fingers trembling, dry mouth, sweaty palms, rising feeling of panic... Where the hell has my phone gone?
←Rate | 04-06-2016 19:49 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon It took dozens and dozens of flushes, but my guinea pig's funeral is finally over.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 21:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 20:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
←Rate | 03-26-2016 19:08 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
←Rate | 03-26-2016 19:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


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