@dj_soltrix Funny Status Messages

   I shot my girlfriend with a cupid's arrow thinking that she would fall more in love with me, but now she's just laying there on the ground ignoring me.

   Whenever a woman says, "I'm going out tonight with the girls;" I like to think she's referring to her boobs.

   I love how these photoshop models think they have "fans." Let's be realistic. Most of those people are not your fans, they just want to get you in bed.

   It really sucks being without a cell phone because now I have to give everyone 100% of my full attention.

   Would you rather date a woman with a beautiful body covered in tattoos, or a nicely decorated trash bag?

   If I was homeless, I'd play it smart. My sign would say "Will have sex with any woman for food." That way, both of my needs are satisfied.

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   If you call me and I don't answer, it's exactly what you think. I ignored your call.

   Whenever I get a Christmas present that I don't want, I hold onto it and give it to someone else as their birthday gift.

   The look on people's faces while waiting at a bus stop is the same look children make when they can't have any candy.