Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer? You smart people just grinned; didn't you?
←Rate | 07-16-2018 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m not a sore loser, thanks to Vicodin.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up
←Rate | 07-21-2018 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An apple a day is bull crap.... Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:42 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon 7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
←Rate | 06-26-2018 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington's decision when he reached the Delaware.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 10:00 by MediaGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
←Rate | 07-01-2018 22:45 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 09:47 Comments (2)  


   messageicon So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
←Rate | 07-11-2018 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 07-02-2018 09:49 by @KylaDenniston Comments (0)  


   messageicon The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. " Mark Twain.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 23:37 by Mark.Twain Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
←Rate | 07-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  


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