father OR dad Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon my great great grandfather: I cleared 40 acres by hand and grew food to feed people. My father: I fought WWII and ended the horror. Me: I think $9.99/month might be too much for Spotify.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 21:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, & actually came back home.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 01:17 by @Seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!
←Rate | 06-20-2010 15:40 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Really!!! Kim Kardashian is upset with the Casey Anthony verdict!!! Your father defended OJ Simpson, Thus starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off!!!
←Rate | 07-07-2011 09:40 by migasjoe Comments (1)  


   messageicon Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.
←Rate | 04-08-2010 17:21 by Shamus Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."
←Rate | 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
←Rate | 12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it
←Rate | 08-05-2011 20:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you're only real job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole
←Rate | 11-11-2010 10:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon THE MOST CONFUSING DAY IN THE GHETTO IS FATHER'S DAY....
←Rate | 03-24-2010 22:37 by Samir Momin Comments (2)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...
←Rate | 06-19-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"
←Rate | 09-25-2010 14:39 by Russell Bilaknockified Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.
←Rate | 05-11-2015 17:45 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner
←Rate | 04-12-2011 22:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Condom Ad: if you are not 100% satisfied with our product, Happy Father's Day!!
←Rate | 10-25-2010 13:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??
←Rate | 09-17-2014 10:45 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 17:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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