Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 19:38 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 19:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.
←Rate | 06-06-2011 21:52 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother-in-law came to visit, I asked, "How long are you going to stay?" She said, "As long as you want me to." I said, "You're not even going to stay for coffee?"
←Rate | 11-10-2010 11:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone at work has been stealing my lunch from the refrigerator....... Tomorrow, I'm bringing a cat food sandwich... BON APPETIT MOTHER F*CKER!!!
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a difficult day for me today. Today is the day I tell my dog that I am not his biological mother and that his real mother was a b!tch.
←Rate | 08-02-2011 21:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It would make your mother proud if you could NOT, walk, talk, spell, and wear your damn pants like you were raised by a rap video your whole life.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 15:34 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just Overheard on BlackOps online;Guy 1: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION!!!! Guy 2: I know I Hate my sister!
←Rate | 12-05-2010 05:00 by Rachael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 21:11 by Maureen Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
←Rate | 06-13-2011 14:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother-in-law's coming,,,,, I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep
←Rate | 08-09-2012 18:24 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...
←Rate | 05-10-2015 22:05 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement"
←Rate | 05-09-2011 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?
←Rate | 08-09-2010 00:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  

   messageicon Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
←Rate | 03-16-2012 03:52 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon you know you're getting old when you see a beautiful 19 year old girl and wonder what her mother looks like.
←Rate | 04-16-2010 16:58 Comments (0)  

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