Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long.
←Rate | 05-24-2013 12:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if you tried educating yourself as much as you try getting those abs people will like you more.
←Rate | 05-24-2013 12:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
←Rate | 05-25-2013 12:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's totally ok to create a Facebook account for your pet, provided you have severe mental retardation.
←Rate | 05-27-2013 12:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You say pervert with a telescope. I say biological astronomer.
←Rate | 05-27-2013 12:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You women are beautiful creatures I love you all , but by god you scare the sh*t out of me with the way you feed on souls and happiness.
←Rate | 05-27-2013 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's vultures circling around my sex life.
←Rate | 05-29-2013 14:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really dont understand why I’m still a virgin when I have never watched any Twilight Movie or bought any Justin Bieber Album in my whole life.
←Rate | 05-29-2013 15:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
←Rate | 05-30-2013 13:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My idea of the perfect workout is not working out.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 05:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I'm not your boyfriend.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 05:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: You're not a true vegan unless you tell 10 people every day
←Rate | 05-31-2013 08:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (2)  


   messageicon All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 08:15 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bottle of wine and I still have feelings. Time for whiskey.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 09:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "No, officer, I wasn't driving with my eyes closed. I'm part-Chinese."
←Rate | 05-31-2013 09:18 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the worst things that can happen to you is closing a tab by mistake and you don't know which website was it on.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 13:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pants are for people with something to hide.
←Rate | 06-02-2013 13:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks, Michael Douglas, for ruining the ONLY time I'm not worrying about cancer.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 05:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Office crime is real people! I was just held up at PowerPoint.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 14:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cigarettes take 50 years to kill you. I'm more worried about the stuff that does it quickly like sharks, lightning, women or flamethrowers.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 01:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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