Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
←Rate | 02-17-2018 09:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just saved a$1,375.00 on my Visa card by not going to Disney World .
←Rate | 02-17-2018 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If running on a treadmill was only way to Recharge our phones, we would be the healthiest people on the planet
←Rate | 02-17-2018 21:17 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you're up to. :)
←Rate | 02-15-2018 21:11 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon A reminder on one of my dating profiles says "You should be more popular!" I agree.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scotty, don't beam me up yet. I am taking a dump.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 03:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The time America was great was when we hated Russia. Just saying....
←Rate | 02-18-2018 11:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Intaxication - That brief period of euphoria you feel between receiving a tax refund and then realizing it was your money to begin with.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 06:59 Comments (4)  


   messageicon What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
←Rate | 01-16-2018 10:35 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today my yoga teacher was really drunk, which put me in an awkward position.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 23:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than the woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine asked what it's like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
←Rate | 12-13-2017 09:50 Comments (0)  



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