Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
←Rate | 11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've started visiting orgies dressed as a Ninja-Turtle! I'm really coming out of my shell these days!
←Rate | 11-16-2018 07:56 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon OMG I can't believe I just did that. I called someone without texting first to see if it was ok that I called them. Yikes!!!
←Rate | 11-16-2018 16:53 by Frank Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wrestle with my demons . . . other times they just chase me down the street after I steal money from their wallets.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Builds elaborate structures while playing Fortnite. Can't make own bed in real life.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 21:00 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Florida we get "I'm still voting" stickers.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!
←Rate | 11-06-2018 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I voted and didn’t take a picture, did I really vote?
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:53 by BWood Comments (2)  


   messageicon Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
←Rate | 11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember me in your Prayers like you do in your Gossips.
←Rate | 09-12-2018 06:28 by raman911 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”
←Rate | 10-19-2018 19:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they criticize your driving, look them straight in the eye while you turn their airbag off.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if the guy who coined the term "One Hit Wonder" came up with any other phrases.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  




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