Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 09:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
←Rate | 07-15-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s it called when your hard work doesn’t pay off?
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being ugly on the inside should change how you look on the outside.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 02:37 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry..
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I get a kiss, I end up smelling like pepper spray....
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:11 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer? You smart people just grinned; didn't you?
←Rate | 07-16-2018 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the Beastie Boys were really close because they would finish each other’s sentences.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m not a sore loser, thanks to Vicodin.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You tube's How to use a fire extinguisher shouldn't have a advert before it.
←Rate | 07-17-2018 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A massage is just professional petting for humans.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  


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