Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Please, please one disappointment at a time.
←Rate | 01-17-2019 12:48 Comments (1)  


   messageicon On December 17, 1903, the Wright brothers flew 852 feet. That’s 852 feet more than Nancy flew on January 17, 2019!
←Rate | 01-18-2019 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. What genius decided to call it Erectile Dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?
←Rate | 01-18-2019 12:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, the only password you had to remember was the one that got you into the treehouse.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now thanks to Facebook I have hundreds of them!
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:45 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder where Noah kept the termites on the ark.
←Rate | 11-18-2018 02:25 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You had me at “we have a warrant”
←Rate | 12-22-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just blocked someone on Facebook for correcting my grammar and it feelted good.
←Rate | 01-09-2019 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip #39 your wife won't start an argument with you if you're cleaning
←Rate | 01-10-2019 09:50 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I work in Customer Service because I'm really good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It’s not unusual to get Tom Jones songs stuck in your head.
←Rate | 11-24-2018 04:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:00 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.
←Rate | 12-13-2018 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:05 by markf Comments (0)  




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