Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write "Last warning. You have a week to get the rest of the money together. Next time we won't be so nice."
←Rate | 10-29-2017 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How's everyone holding up? It was crazy last night. I must have killed like fifteen zombies. But I still don't understand why they were all carrying bags of candy.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.
←Rate | 10-28-2017 07:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon It's always awkward when you scan your neighbors house and lock eyes with another set of binoculars.
←Rate | 10-28-2017 17:50 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon When a guy says "I'm Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apologies to all you millennials -- the Disney Channel never prepared you for all this.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A smart man covers his ass. A wise man keeps his pants on.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:03 Comments (3)  


   messageicon If you're constantly stirring the pot, not only should you be required to lick the spoon, but also have that spoon jammed up your butt. Perhaps that's your goal anyways.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 01:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 07:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a US citizen lies to Congress, it's 20 years in federal prison, but if a US Congressperson lies to citizens, it's another 2 years in office
←Rate | 10-25-2017 16:28 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The grocery store has 2 new aisles filled with "Halloween Candy" but it sure looks like the same candy they sell all year.
←Rate | 10-26-2017 22:46 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  



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