Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always knew that one day I'd end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn't expect everyone to keep on bowling. . .
←Rate | 04-18-2018 19:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We wipe our )( blind, but we put our deodorant on using a mirror...
←Rate | 04-16-2018 15:15 by JohnY Comments (3)  


   messageicon Sure your baby's cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing that I have noticed about conspiracy theories is that they all depend on the government perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find that most government perpetrators are endlessly stupid.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stand by the unlikely threat I made when I thought you couldn’t hear me.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ;) A mistress is someone between a mister and a mattress
←Rate | 04-13-2018 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon * The older I get the earlier it gets late.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I stubbed my toe today. I'm not ready to share photos yet but I will keep you guys updated daily." - probably Carrie Underwood
←Rate | 04-23-2018 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is an animal in bed, a sloth..
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 15:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a kazoo in my fanny pack in case anyone initiates small talk.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just sung Mariah Carey's "Hero" to myself because it seems no one else in this house can put a new roll of toilet paper on the thing.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 14:35 Comments (0)  


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