Funny Status Messages Search

X says Ladies, always keep a V-8 in your car in case you're pulled over so you can pour it over your crotch & say "I need a tampon please let me go."

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-20-2011 09:40 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says There are so many better reasons to riot other than hockey... like a shoe sale!

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-16-2011 18:35 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Calling all my ex girlfriends today to tell them I have herpes. I don't really have it, I just don't want any of them to sleep with other people.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-15-2011 09:24 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says There'd be less accidents if there was a texting lane.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-15-2011 09:23 by abbybaby34 Comments (1)

X says just bought a new pack of socks to avoid doing laundry tonight.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-15-2011 09:23 by abbybaby34 Comments (1)

X says Love...it takes hostages and shows zero remorse.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-15-2011 09:22 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says The best way to win an argument is to play dead.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-15-2011 09:21 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says It's rush hour and a million people are going West and a million are going East. We should either swap jobs or swap houses

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-09-2011 09:03 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says I've only been outside for 5 minutes and I already feel like I have mayonnaise in between my butt cheeks

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-31-2011 09:30 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-31-2011 09:29 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Whose idea was it to "be an adult?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-31-2011 09:29 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Real men like curves; Only dogs like bones.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-31-2011 09:28 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says just rescued some wine.. it was trapped in a bottle. I saved the day!

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-28-2011 13:56 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don't block the view.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-28-2011 13:55 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says I lost my balance crawling into bed and leaned my head on the ceiling to prevent from falling over.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-20-2011 12:43 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2011 09:15 by abbybaby34 Comments (1)

X says We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-19-2011 09:14 by abbybaby34 Comments (1)

X says My phone used to say things like "3 missed calls" and now it says things like "nobody even thought about calling you."

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2011 16:43 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Don't think too much. You'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2011 16:42 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X says Mother Nature can be cruel sometimes. If I ever meet her I'm gonna snatch her purse. Old B*tch

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2011 16:42 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)