Dude Funny Status Messages

   Honey, guys don't want to get with you because you're hot, they want to get with you because you're easy. Know the difference.

   What I call morning wood, you're gonna call breakfast in bed.

   If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.

   Phil Robertson just learned the hard way that once you get sponsorships you can no longer express your opinion...unless your sponsors give you that opinion.

   Ladies, if you're gonna catfish a dude, at least give him some head.

   Arkansas is like a pretty bimbo who's a lousy lay. Nice to look at but not very stimulating.

   Does Joel Osteen give anyone else the creeps or is it just me?

   When did old skanks become cougars?

   What you call "camping", I call "aggresive waiting".

   I love you, flushable baby wipes.

   Ladies, if you ever get a big ego because a lot of guys want to get with you, just remember this, some guys have been known to get it on with farm animals.

   I just got bukkaked by a Krispy Kreme

   It's the Holiday Season; clean your own spunk off her back.

   Q: What's more disgusting than a hicky on a hemorrhoid? A: The chick that put it there.

   When did comedian Ron White turn into an old lesbian?

   A man hits his wife with a car, whose fault is it? The mans, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

   You're doable, not dateable. Know your place.

   Exercise, eat right, get good sleep, take your vitamins...die anyway.

   The only time your woman screams your nam ein bed is when you fart in your sleep.

   Mayweather hugged on Manny more during that fight then my dad did the whole time I was growing up.