flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Can anyone recommend a good book to tell people I'm reading?
←Rate | 10-28-2017 18:02 by flinnie Comments (2)  


   messageicon Life doesn’t hand me lemons, it fires them at me rapidly from a lemon cannon.
←Rate | 10-29-2017 18:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd be 100 % more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
←Rate | 12-30-2011 08:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know those people that totally screw up their lives when they win the lottery? I would like to be one of those people.
←Rate | 03-24-2012 06:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 12:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman's voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it's working.
←Rate | 05-12-2013 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I refuse to believe that everybody was kung fu fighting. I'm sorry, but there had to be at least a couple people sitting that one out.
←Rate | 06-10-2012 18:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life coach just told me to fake an injury
←Rate | 11-17-2012 11:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon April fool's day idea: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says "Now voice activated!" Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
←Rate | 04-01-2013 06:20 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon Did you know birthday cake is the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody still rushes to get a piece?
←Rate | 05-19-2011 11:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like we should wait to hear Adele's ex-boyfriend's songs before we choose sides.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 11:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey skinny guy having a Greek yogurt and Vitamin Water for lunch. I'd come punch you in the face but I don't want my fries to get cold
←Rate | 04-07-2012 08:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she's going to get me something.
←Rate | 09-23-2013 05:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: any time someone tells you they're "about 20 minutes away" they're lying. They haven't left yet.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 06:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
←Rate | 02-19-2013 06:14 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I ever put stuff in storage I'm going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now
←Rate | 03-19-2012 19:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well that's a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I'm doing
←Rate | 05-09-2012 13:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if astronomers will ever find the opening credits to Stars Wars floating out there
←Rate | 11-19-2011 09:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If these walls could talk, I'd probably stop hanging things with nails.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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