Peter Gillespie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My Dad asked me what I wanted for Xmas tonight. I told him a gift certificate from Adam and Eve so I could get that swing set. He said he thought the kids were a bit old for it but he said he would look it up online. Boy is he in for a surprise.....
←Rate | 12-16-2010 17:18 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hangover in progress.....please do not disturb. I think I have the >>wine flu this morning..............
←Rate | 02-26-2011 09:11 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine inserted an wanted ad in the Craigslist: It said "Wife wanted". Next day he said that he received a hundred replies. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
←Rate | 01-02-2011 08:42 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those men who don't pee in the shower, I SALUTE you!!
←Rate | 02-02-2011 06:21 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just went outside for a couple of minutes, according to my nipples, I'ts damn cold outside!
←Rate | 01-23-2011 09:58 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a note from Santa, said I was in the record books for being on his naughtly list for more than 40 consecutive years......... I guess he didn't appreciate my wish list as I got a return to sender with a LMAO attached......
←Rate | 12-20-2011 20:23 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Golden Globes are on, wonder if Charlie Sheen will win for 2 and 1/2 men or is that One man, 5 hookers, lots of Alcohol and a bag full of cocaine..
←Rate | 01-16-2011 21:12 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Son told me last night if I watched one more episode of Glee he was pulling my "Man" card!! I said whats a "Man" card? He says, something that you no longer have.... Kids these days,,,,,,,
←Rate | 10-18-2011 06:05 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am so glad they make smart phones for dumb folks like me! Make me realize how slow I really am. 50,000 apps to choose from and I have trouble figure out what to make for frigging dinner.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 20:03 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love spring but I'm not too keen on the pollen that comes along with it. Sneeze, sniff, sneeze, ...... I buy enough sudafed where the feds have me on their Meth lab watch list...... :D You think they would park their van a little bit farther down ...
←Rate | 03-23-2011 20:53 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry folks, Have to RUN, my parole office is knocking on my apartment door..........
←Rate | 02-12-2011 09:59 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wakeup song this morning was Strokin IT by Clarence Carter!!!! Must have been all that wishful dreaming last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
←Rate | 02-02-2011 06:20 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My South Beach diet says no alcohol: I figure it like this wine is made from fruit, brandy is distilled wine, Gin is made from juniper berries and beer and whiskey are also made out of wholesome grains. Got to be healthy, bottoms up!
←Rate | 01-05-2011 18:00 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon News Alert for New Years Eve!! Government warning! According to the Surgeon General. Women should consume alcohol because it impairs their ability to say NO!! So who is up for a drink? I'm pouring!
←Rate | 12-30-2010 15:06 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like I am retaining water today. Omg. that's it. no more lifetime movies or chick flicks....
←Rate | 01-19-2011 23:50 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished some great games of racquetball. What a great way to relieve stress and lower your blood pressure, almost as good as ...................... but not quite!
←Rate | 02-01-2011 19:54 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joe the Bartender: Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a good cook, and great in bed... But the law allows only one wife so your chances of finding these qualities in slim to none. So start with the bed part and work from t
←Rate | 01-30-2011 20:49 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a great past weekend at Myrtle Beach with my girlfriend. She only caught me looking twice at women on the beach... The bruises are almost gone....!!!!
←Rate | 09-09-2011 07:08 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I just hit the wrong button on the TV remote at the hotel. Its one of those 9.99 dollar PPV with some really talented ladies. Hmmm, My boss won't believe I did it by accident. Oh well, might as well at least get my monies worth...
←Rate | 03-08-2011 21:17 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The front desk had an add on the TV that said just call them with any request to make your stay more enjoyable. So I did, jeez they didn't have to get so upset..
←Rate | 03-09-2011 17:41 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


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