J.D. Funny Status Messages

   I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He's in a better place now."

   Commitment doesn't scare me, the thought of committing to the wrong person does.

   Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ''try me'' stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.

   Women will get botox, wax their legs, pierce their nipples and clit, pluck their eyebrows...but they won't do anal because THAT hurts?

   So when are Yankee fans allowed to hate Red Sox fans again?

   David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared 4 nuclear attacks from North Korea. David we weren't even prepared for snow in the winter

   I assume most animals are in the zoo for some pretty serious crimes.

   Seeing a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter about dogs being stolen. Are the Koreans stockpiling food before they go to war?

   When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.

   It's time for "Team America 2" to be released featuring Kim Jong Un...

   Friday instantly puts you in a good mood...

   We would all be so lost in this world if it wasnt for our great friends on Facebook who constantly provide us with news updates...

   The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history :)

   I bet Billy Mays is up in Heaven partying like its $19.99

   Because I'm stressed I've started sniffing glue. It's the only thing holding me together

   Always be sure to keep a good Facebook profile picture.This will be the photo plastered allover the news when something goes horribly wrong.

   9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my dad, and left with my mom.

   Sex without head is like a sandwich without bread

   Only at Mcdonalds do they say,"Sorry about your wait" and really mean "weight."

   Last night I slept for eight hours straight. Then two hours gay.