Gman Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A recent study concluded that staring at women's boobs for 10 minutes a day increases life expectancy. In other news, I turn 137 this month.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 12:41 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just found a bag filled with cigarette butts, a used pregnancy test, and a bunch of empty PBR cans. I'm calling it "Trailer Mix."
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:49 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ooh, baby. Can you do that thing to me with your mouth? You know. Shut it and don't speak. Oh yeah. That's feels awesome.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:11 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The question asked "have you ever been convicted of a crime" followed by "explain why"... so I put "no" and "good lawyer."
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:58 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought about joining the neighborhood watch... But my neighbors just aren't that attractive.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 12:20 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon First that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!
←Rate | 04-15-2011 10:18 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Considering I'm broke, I wonder if she'll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 10:17 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex and I were together for 7 years. Evidently I broke a mirror.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 20:35 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Obama really wanted to impress me, he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 19:50 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't dated Miss Right yet, but I have dated Miss Guided, Miss Directed, Miss Conduct, Miss Fire, Miss Demeanor, & Miss Ellaneous.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 21:34 by Gman Comments (2)  


   messageicon When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:55 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever invented morning sex forgot about morning breath.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:40 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The slogan for every brand of tequila should be "Tequila... because we understand that sometimes you just need to get f*cked up."
←Rate | 04-19-2011 15:23 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oops. My "check liver" light just came on.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 12:30 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's safe to admit that my Retirement Plan consists solely of me acquiring a Time Machine and knocking Biff out in the parking lot.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 16:22 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I figured out a great way to pick up women. I painted my car to look like a taxi.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 21:29 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help... so I hired a hitman.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:55 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Oprah's Secret” sounds like a new line of plus-sized lingerie.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 20:36 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Karma Sutra: When fate f*cks you in all sorts of creative ways.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:57 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm designing a solar-powered automatic flushing toilet for people like my ex who think the sun shines out of their ass.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 12:32 by Gman Comments (0)  



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