Gil Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 12:48 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think we'll be seeing a lot more of Alec Baldwin on SNL the next few years.
←Rate | 11-09-2016 05:27 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: POST OFFICE RAISES 1ST CLASS STAMPS FROM 46 CENTS TO 49 CENTS: Really???.... couldn't you just say 50 cents and save 2 slots in your cash drawer and millions of hours counting change??
←Rate | 01-24-2014 18:00 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ziplock: making a fortune off potheads since 1980
←Rate | 04-05-2011 16:08 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so my computer reminds me every time I forget...
←Rate | 04-11-2011 16:30 by Gil Comments (1)  


   messageicon ‎"It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It was our job to arrange the meeting." - United States Navy SEALS
←Rate | 05-02-2011 19:51 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 16:38 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 12:46 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon To pay for my funeral, I'm going to sell tickets and DVDs of my death-bed confession and I will be accepting bribes from people to be left out of it.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 17:03 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twitter was invented to teach women how to communicate silently in 140 characters or less.
←Rate | 04-28-2011 17:26 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's rumored that the Catholic Church is interested in buying Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. Does anyone not see the irony in this?
←Rate | 05-30-2015 13:39 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks Sesame Street for telling us Bert & Ernie are not gay, but I'd like to hear it directly from Bert & Ernie.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 11:30 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 22:53 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just think how interesting facebook would be if there was a "cheating on spouse with _______" relationship status
←Rate | 04-27-2011 00:14 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎"There goes the neighborhood" - Spongebob Squarepants
←Rate | 05-03-2011 01:53 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn't they just create a weekly TV series?
←Rate | 07-19-2013 17:00 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I listed the Federal Government as a dependent on my taxes this year
←Rate | 05-12-2011 15:22 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Too big to fail"...."Too big to jail"... same thing
←Rate | 07-05-2016 17:21 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "After seeing Kate and William getting married and the Pope's beatification this weekend, my life is complete. I don't care if I die tomorrow" - Osama Bin Laden
←Rate | 05-02-2011 17:45 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are the odds that Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch have another friendly 30 minute chat to talk about golfing and grandchildren?
←Rate | 10-29-2016 12:57 by Gil Comments (0)  



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