@richardmooney26 Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend is adorable, smart, sexy, and looking over my shoulder as I type.

   Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.

   The secret of enjoying a good wine is to open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

   Great Idea! Tiny headphones for pigeons who are self-conscious about their head bopping and want to make it look like they're listening to music.

   If you've never farted in a cup then handed it to a friend asking them "does this smell funny to you?", you probably can't deal with me.

   3.67 billion Women in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich! :(

   I call bullsh*t on potholes! There's no weed in there, trust me, I checked.

   the only thing ORIGINAL in this world is weed. so sit back, chill out and talk to the cat.

   They were talking about that Mary Magdalene in church again today. What a skank.

   Just received a text from my wife saying, "You're a childish prick sometimes." I was so annoyed. I thought I'd hidden her phone really well this time.

   And on this day, high-fructose corn syrup rose again, in fulfillment of the scriptures. And there was childhood obesity. And it was good.

   You never know who your real friends are until you post something that is not funny.