Funny Status Messages Search

X Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-08-2013 08:54 by snotty Comments (0)

X According to my current parking spot I'm a physician

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-18-2013 18:58 by snotty Comments (0)

X We all lose if CBS doesn't film the next Survivor aboard a Carnival Cruise Ship.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-16-2013 22:27 by snotty Comments (0)

X I'm not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-21-2013 15:50 by snotty Comments (0)

X I always take a number at the deli, and I've been keeping them.... Eventually I'll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-24-2013 08:01 by snotty Comments (0)

X Hope I never go to jail,, because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2003.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-23-2013 22:17 by snotty Comments (0)

X I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. she chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me she will never trust another human being again.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-15-2013 20:48 by snotty Comments (0)

X Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-25-2013 08:36 by snotty Comments (0)

X Hey, NSA,,,, if you're going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-08-2013 08:31 by snotty Comments (0)

X My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That's not my waiter

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-26-2013 21:58 by snotty Comments (0)

X After 31 free samples,, I decided I wasn't really in the mood for Baskin Robins

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-12-2013 15:37 by snotty Comments (1)

X I can't wait for summer in Canada............. I hear it's gonna be on a Saturday this year

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2013 21:30 by snotty Comments (0)

X I find it highly suspicious that the three bears had the dexterity to buy furniture and make porridge in the first place.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2013 19:43 by snotty Comments (0)

X I'll be po$ting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-23-2013 08:10 by snotty Comments (0)

X When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 16:46 by snotty Comments (0)

X We are so fortunate not to live in China,,, they have to hide their posts in cookies.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-26-2013 22:05 by snotty Comments (0)

X If you see a porcupine in your yard, that's my cat and we're not done with our accupuncture session.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-01-2013 16:38 by snotty Comments (0)

X I keep a xylophone on me at all times,, just incase I have to tip toe anywhere

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-06-2013 10:04 by snotty Comments (0)

X Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2013 19:51 by snotty Comments (0)

X My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-03-2013 16:48 by snotty Comments (0)