~heZz~ Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon just opened a store next to 'Forever 21', called 'Finally 22'
←Rate | 01-11-2014 16:10 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can remember when he was just Lieutenant Tso...when nobody respected his meat..
←Rate | 12-13-2013 01:51 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather shower with my parents than go shopping on Black Friday...
←Rate | 11-27-2013 14:12 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vegas has the Ravens as a 9.5 point underdog against the Pats but the Ravens are a 3 body favorite in possible murders.
←Rate | 01-14-2013 18:14 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mamacita's Day to all the Senoritas who played for keeps
←Rate | 05-13-2012 22:26 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Storms can be scary to kids, so I tell my son that thunder is God beating Jesus because he "forgot" to put his toys away.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 12:05 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon On my way to the kid's school... apparently, a nicotine patch is not an appropriate substitute for a band-aid.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 23:14 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Girl Scouts, let mom handle my cookie transaction. I don't have all day to watch you practice math..
←Rate | 04-01-2012 22:24 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm really starting to get concerned about the lack of seatbelt use on the bangbus..
←Rate | 03-26-2012 21:22 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives
←Rate | 11-03-2011 00:50 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon It only took Kim Kardashian 72 days to realize that Kris Humphries wasn't black
←Rate | 11-01-2011 21:51 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Right now what Lindsay Lohan needs more than anything is our caring and understanding. And just a little bit of cocaine if possible.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 15:41 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had asked me a year ago, “what do think is more important, the Cheese or the Cracker?” I would have said “Cheese”, all day…But now, I've come to the realization, that the cracker plays an equally pivotal roll for this prominent combinat
←Rate | 10-20-2011 01:47 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mayonnaise is now the largest ethnic group in the southern United States.
←Rate | 10-18-2011 14:53 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict
←Rate | 08-12-2011 00:50 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sad reality is, after 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore, "Milf-Murder Acquittals" was probably going to be the next MTV hit anyways..
←Rate | 07-06-2011 21:04 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is all about ideas and who has the better one..
←Rate | 06-19-2011 01:16 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just came up with a new reality show. It's called "Pushing the Kardashians Into Oncoming Traffic." One episode is all you'll need....
←Rate | 06-09-2011 00:22 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I like my popcorn a little burnt". No, you don't. You just suck at making popcorn
←Rate | 04-30-2011 00:48 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


   messageicon But, officer, that school zone pulled out right in front of me!!
←Rate | 04-19-2011 09:16 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


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