manbearpig Funny Status Messages

   So Mark Zuckerberg just bought Instagram for $1billion? Why didn't he just go to the App Store and download it for 99c?

   Hollywood are already planning a movie about the life of Elizabeth Taylor. It's provisionally titled 'Eight Weddings and a Funeral'.

   Lady Gaga says she takes her fashion inspiration from Princess Diana. It's just a shame it's not from how she looked before the crash.

   It's been exactly a year since I quit drinking. And 364 days since I started again.

   What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.

   A man walks into a library and says, "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology".

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   My uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month, but all my Facebook friends changed their status' for an hour and now he's going to live a long and fruitful life.

   Has anyone Sheen my drugs?

   For Halloween, I'm going to wear a Pacman suit and chase all the Muslim women in burqas around the town centre.