indy dave Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If I win the Powerball, I'm gonna buy Bruce Jenner and turn him back into a man. Just for fun.
←Rate | 02-11-2015 20:20 by Indy Dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taken 27 coming to theaters in January 2029.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 17:57 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro life tip:I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to not break the law.If I do break the law, then I comply with their authority.If I do not agree with their authority I surrender and allow due process with an attorney.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 20:59 by indy dave Comments (2)  


   messageicon Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice?
←Rate | 10-31-2014 23:12 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bruce and Kris Jenner officially file for divorce today. Or as most see it, the next step in Bruce's sex change. He is probably already wearing capri pants by now.
←Rate | 09-22-2014 21:43 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish Twitter would stop recommending that I follow "One Direction." Do they think I wear capri pants or something?
←Rate | 09-22-2014 21:34 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to brag but I was the best Nintendo game blower in history.
←Rate | 09-12-2014 19:42 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a feeling that if I were _______ my wife would play with my pen1s a lot more...
←Rate | 07-27-2014 12:07 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had to cancel my Christian Mingle account... they found out I was on JDate.
←Rate | 04-05-2014 20:19 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fort Hood suffers tradegy again. Perhaps they should change it to Fort Suburbs.
←Rate | 04-02-2014 22:44 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I am making a bean/corn salad/salsa recipe and it askes for ground cummin. I'm like... uh, eww and then I'm like well I have it and it's free but exactly how do you grind it?
←Rate | 03-04-2014 17:18 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the Oscars would be a lot more interesting if they had a "Best Nip Slip" category... or "Best Back Burger."
←Rate | 03-02-2014 21:44 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know if anyone ever does anything as much as LL Cool J licks his lips.
←Rate | 01-12-2014 19:16 by Indy Dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thermometer on my cars says, "FU_____CK YOU!"
←Rate | 01-06-2014 11:29 by Indy Dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ben Roethlisberger was just on an NFL commercial saying what he was thankful for. He forgot to mention not being charged or found guilty of sexual assault. twice.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 21:24 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought some sparkly wrapping paper thinking it was like a simulated sparkly kind. It is actually made out of sparkles. Well, now my floor, face, hands, clothes and kid look like Diamond Cherry Serenity & Candi came over to my house after the strip club.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 14:27 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon day 5 - I am thankful for vaginas
←Rate | 11-05-2013 12:59 by Indy Dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need naked bitstrip cartoon people if this is going to work. Just my opinion.
←Rate | 10-25-2013 08:10 by Indy Dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking Bad brought to you by Nationwide Insurance. Because you never know when Walter White is going to take you out...
←Rate | 08-18-2013 21:54 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Riley Cooper said what??? Wait, isn't he Manning's brother??? No, thats Cooopah!
←Rate | 08-01-2013 19:04 by Indy Dave Comments (0)  


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