badd status Funny Status Messages

   Remember this next time you're about to say something stupid to me: Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

   If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.

   A little boy examines his privates while in the bath. "Mommy, are these my brains?" His mother says, "Not yet."

   Instead of tagging me in ugly pictures on Facebook, I wish you could just say "I hate you" straight to my face.

   I love piecing my night together one drunk text at a time.

   It's cute how the news wants me to stick around until 11 for the forecast. As if I didn't have 100 other ways to get that info in seconds.

   Sometimes really old people scare the sh*t out of me.

   Everytime I hear strangers talking to each other in foreign languages I always automatically assume they're talking sh*t.

   I am REALLY good at what I do. You know, procrastinating and stuff.

   I have been checking facebook less and less. If this continues, I'll eventually forget about all those people for the 2nd time.