Vito Funny Status Messages

   I wish I had more middle fingers.

   My bank just called me because of suspicious activity on my debit card. They couldn't believe I bought a gym membership either.

   I wish I could delete all the cookies I ate last night

   According to my nipples, I'm freezing!

   I caught myself updating my Facebook status in my sleep & I think I actually would've posted it if the rumble strips on the highway didn't wake me up first.

   I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day

   Tonite I feel like drinking until it looks like Jim Joyce made the right call.

   Had Mexican for dinner last night and just used a BP restroom. Let's just say we're almost even.

   I'm in the mood for Sushi but the Japanese place near me doesn't take credit cards. I'm gunna have raw toast instead.

   I wish the rest of me was as tan as my left arm