Stevielea Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Next time you visit someone with Alexa. "Alexa set 3am alarm with horror movie sounds."
←Rate | 02-12-2019 05:17 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Can I get a coke please?" "Nope is pepsi ok" "Do you do updog?" "What's updog?" " Not much...and no pepsi is not ok".
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:19 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon "you da bomb" - " No you da bomb" In America - a compliment. In the middle East - an argument.
←Rate | 01-21-2019 11:30 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"
←Rate | 01-18-2019 16:13 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. For skills I possess when shaving my nuts that I could apply to other aspects of my life!
←Rate | 12-26-2018 08:02 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift!!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 00:42 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE : 1. You believe in santa. 2. You don't believe in santa. 3. You are santa. 4. You look like santa.
←Rate | 12-14-2018 16:23 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. He gets his snickers in a twix.
←Rate | 11-27-2018 11:31 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandpa was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said, "Staring contest......GO".
←Rate | 11-27-2018 11:17 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 04:08 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a child is like having a little broke ass best friend!
←Rate | 10-17-2018 13:37 by Stevielea Comments (1)  


   messageicon When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!
←Rate | 10-10-2018 14:48 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80's far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.
←Rate | 10-10-2018 13:36 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate it when you think you see a good parking spot but then you turn the corner and Stuart f@&k!Ng little is parked there.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 18:11 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why weigh yourself when you could set yourself on fire then roll in broken glass and feel the same way!
←Rate | 10-07-2018 04:59 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most people wake up feeling like a million bucks, me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 04:38 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 02:44 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's that it's okay to lie about your age.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:29 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drinking rum before 10am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic!
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:24 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a person who doesn't sing along to Bohemian rhapsody when it comes on the radio!
←Rate | 09-23-2018 18:59 by Stevielea Comments (0)  



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