Sarah Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Some chicks fake orgasms. I fake doing math in my head until you give me the answer
←Rate | 11-09-2013 11:08 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wore matching bra n panties for this?
←Rate | 10-07-2013 12:27 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vagina, the original man cave.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 13:29 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not crying, that's just the vodka leaving my body through my eyes.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 10:24 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a keeper...of bees.
←Rate | 09-20-2013 14:03 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call it cleavage; I call it a stray popcorn reservoir.
←Rate | 09-07-2013 02:21 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do these yoga pants make your d*ck look hard??
←Rate | 08-18-2013 12:18 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, sitting down all day makes your bum grow bigger. All I have to do is figure out how I'll start sitting using my chest.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 12:17 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just a few more weeks without sex and I win another cat.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 02:36 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 12:28 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like cooking babies and lots of other stuff. I also hate punctuation.
←Rate | 07-05-2013 01:52 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart then you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 12:21 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty
←Rate | 06-28-2013 11:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband gets so confused when I say yes to sex, you'd think I changed the location of his food bowl.
←Rate | 06-26-2013 12:41 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's have phone sex and you can hang up on me before I'm done to keep it realistic
←Rate | 06-22-2013 13:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of times I've tried to stick my key in other people's locks just to see if it fits is probably the reason I wasn't given a d*ck
←Rate | 06-19-2013 14:03 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boy are you my bank statements because you're hilarious
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:17 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to get white girl wasted,scream wooo at strangers, cry in a bathroom,take a pic in said bathroom flashing a gang sign & call it a night
←Rate | 06-13-2013 12:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I renamed my vagina "Rihanna" because it can also survive a pretty severe beating.
←Rate | 06-08-2013 11:52 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas; For every minute you spend 'down there,' I'll donate a dollar to Michael Douglas' Throat Cancer Research Fund.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 12:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


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