Phire Funny Status Messages

   loves Ben & Jerry's ice cream but this new "Schweddy Balls" flavor is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

   Dear man at the gas station, I admire how your mustache begins with your nose hairs.

   if you listen to the Charlie Sheen interview backwards you can hear Gaddafi laughing at Bambi dying.

   thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.

   just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."

   tired of all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my p*nis, especially since I am a woman, so I have forward them to my exhusband

   thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.

   If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis

   Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

   Man made alcohol, God made marijuana, who are you going to trust?